Using this Course

Dear Reader,

What follows below is the material necessary to follow The Practical Introduction to Intimate Prayer course. 

When I have delivered the course in parishes, many people have asked for copies of notes for missed sessions, or, so that they can follow up on something which they have heard. In addition to the notes, I have added some short videos and audio interviews, for those who appreciate different learning methods. Please be aware, these are not professionally made, and don't have any pretensions to be; but, for those who like videos and interviews, they may be of assistance.

Taken together, there are, I think, enough materials for anyone to go through the course privately. If you wish to do so, I would recommend taking the session one week at the time. If you find them helpful you could use the videos before turning to the notes. On the handouts provided there are questions taken from the material, and questions for further reflection; these could be followed up by listening to the audio interviews.

Finally, you might then turn to the prayer exercises, which are found on the second page of each handout. Throughout the course, I explain how the spiritual life is nourished by spending time everyday in silent prayer. The prayer exercises offer six different ways of entering into that time of silence. Each week, I suggest taking one of those exercises, and making a time of prayer in silence everyday, using that prayer exercise, before proceeding to the next session.

This course is particularly aimed at those seeking to grow in the life of prayer. Prayer is a labour of love and the labour of a lifetime, and this course cannot foreshorten that. However, for people starting out, or looking for a spiritual refresher, I believe following this programme faithfully will offer a way in to the sometimes challenging world of prayer.

I would like to express my particular thanks to Martin Littleton and to Matthew Hutton for their help in putting together the electronic resources for this course.

I welcome any feedback you may wish to offer in the comment boxes below.

Every Blessing,

Deacon Peter


P.S. Prayer is so important, both for our own spiritual lives, and for the renewal of the Church. If you find the materials in this course helpful, please do pass it on to others who may be interested in growing in their relationship with God through intimate prayer.

Session One: A Basic Guide to an Authentic Life of Prayer

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One of my favourite saint stories is about St. Teresa of Avila, one of the Church's 'go to' saints for advice on the spiritual life, who was once travelling on a journey in a carriage, or cart of some kind. She lived in the 16th Century, when such journeys were precarious for all sorts of reasons, and on this occasion the wheel of her cart fell off, leaving her, and her fellow travellers, stranded. She is said to have prayed to the Lord: "why have you let this happen?". He answered that "this is how I treat My friends", to which Teresa respond "well... little wonder you have so few!".

I love this story, because it witnesses to a frank intimacy in her relationship with God. Teresa is not inhibited in what she says; she speaks openly and honestly about what matters to her; she is prepared to hear the Lord's reply, but she is comfortable enough with Him to be able to 'say it as she sees it.' Thus for Teresa prayer is "nothing other than an intimate sharing between friends."

(1) These notes and recordings, following the Intimate Prayer course, are all about helping you, wherever you are in your spiritual life, to encounter Jesus more deeply in your prayer - to grow in your personal friendship with Jesus.

• You may be someone for whom the idea of friendship with Jesus seems slightly strange. It may be something you have heard about, but never really understood. I hope and pray that if you stick with the exercises proposed throughout this course a window will be opened for more intimate contact with Jesus, and the idea of a personal relationship with Him will become clearer.
• Prayer may already be a regular part of your life, but perhaps you sometimes feel like you are struggling to see where it is all going. In this case, I hope the course will offer you something of a refresh in your spiritual life.
• Finally, even if you are someone who is well advanced in the spiritual life, you may still find this course helpful, as it will give you some of the language needed to express your spiritual experience. This is essential for evangelisation, as a huge part of evangelisation is about witnessing to our own personal encounter with the Lord, which is precisely what the apostles did.

(2) From the very outset of this course, therefore, I want to emphasise that what we are about is seeking to enter relationship with God. This means, we need to be open to God as He has revealed Himself to us.

"He is there like a loving Father. He loves each one of us more than all the mothers in the world can love their children... How often we have misbehaved and then cleared the frowns from our parents' brows, telling them: I won't do it any more! — That same day, perhaps, we fall again... — And our father, with feigned harshness in his voice and serious face, reprimands us, while in his heart he is moved, realizing our weakness and thinking: poor child, how hard he tries to behave well!

We've got to be filled, to be imbued with the idea that our Father, and very much our Father, is God who is both near us and in heaven." (St. Josemaria Esciva, The Way, 267)

(3) We bring to prayer all sorts of preconceptions about God and also about ourselves. Often these preconceptions are not especially helpful. For the purposes of this course, I will be inviting you to lay aside some of those preconceptions and simply open your heart to meet God - where you are today. Only in this way can that encounter happen where cor ad cor loquitur, where heart speaks unto heart.

In order to do this, I suggest you will need to do two things. Firstly, you will need to create some room in your life, and secondly, you will need to spend this time in silence.

(4) Time for God. Some people reading this may already be accustomed to making regular time(s) for prayer; others will not. For the purpose of following this six week Intimate Prayer course to the greatest effect, you will need to set aside a period for prayer everyday.

• How long you spend in prayer is properly dependent on your state of life. It requires generosity to spend time in prayer, and, like your financial contribution to the mission of the Church, the amount you give should be generous in proportion to your means. The retired person may be able to give more in this regard, than the employed person.
• I would like to suggest, however, as a minimum, that whatever your state of life, you would be well advised to spend 20 minutes a day. I believe that for a serious Christian, one third of one hour out of a twenty-four hour day, is realistic, even for the busiest person. The old adage runs 'if you are too busy to pray, then you are too busy', and I think this applies if you cannot find 20 minutes in an ordinary day.
• When you pray is up to you. It doesn't need to be the same time everyday. The advice from the tradition, though, would be to pray first thing in the day - let spending time with Jesus be the first order of business of the day. If you are a busy person, the best way to find 20 minutes is to rise 20 minutes earlier.
• Be a Hero! To stay up 20 minutes (or more) longer in your day, to pray, requires a heroic 'no!' to self. Trust me, if you do, it will make your prayer that much more fruitful for having said 'no' to yourself.
• Make the time of prayer everyday. I don't want you to become scrupulous or compulsive about this, but you need to take it seriously. If you fail on a given day, make a firm resolution to be different tomorrow - and take steps to make sure you are. Normally, this will mean making the time earlier in the day, before other emergencies take over.
• Forming a new virtuous habit is a bit like weight training. You have to stretch yourself out of your comfort zone, at first, but then it becomes easier. Likewise, you have to continue to maintain that strength.

(5) Make the time in Silence. Having discerned the amount of time you are going to pray for, you then need to make a resolution to spend this time in silence.

• Without silence, it is virtually impossible for us to hear God speaking to us. It is, I think, no accident that a decline in spirituality in the modern era has been accompanied by an increase in noise through industrialisation and electrification. Many people today have absolutely no silence between waking and sleeping.
• Throughout this course, we will look at six different ways of praying that will help you to navigate this silence. At times, indeed very often, it will be difficult, but you need to be prepared to make the brave journey through the silence.
• You will need to be realistic and generous. We can't close roads and airports; and we may not even be able to find perfect silence in our home. Do what you can and trust God to do the rest. Specifically, shut off your own noise (eg. switch off electronic devices) so that you can create, at least, some inner silence.
• The world is so full of distractions today. Our prayer needs to be an oasis away from as many of them as possible. This, incidentally, is another key reason for praying first thing in the morning.

Key points

• In this course we are seeking to be open to a personal relationship with God.
• We need to have an openness to the True God, and to our true selves.
• We need to choose a period of prayer, at least 20 minutes, which we will make everyday.
• This time will be spent in silence.

Next Steps
1. Can I answer the questions on the Handout?
2. Listen to the short audio discussion about this session. 
3. Now spend 20 minutes (or more) in silence using the prayer exercise on Lectio Divina on the handout.

Session Two: Problems in Prayer and Overcoming Them

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In the set of notes, I focussed on prayer being all about our personal relationship with God - Father, Son & Spirit. When we are seeking to live in a relationship with God, I'm afraid it will always be very quick to diagnose the source of any problems in the relationship - Me; or, in your case, You! God is perfect, and always does what is perfectly right and good. In faith, therefore, we can rule out God as being the source of any problems in our prayer.

(1) The basic source of all problems in prayer, is that we enter into it seeking consolation from God; or, we enter into it with purer motives of simply loving God, and then become hooked on the consolation of God. By 'consolation of God' I mean any good feeling that affirms us in our prayer. Whichever way we started, then, consolation or feelings end up becoming the primary motivation for us to pray.

Now, spiritual consolation is not a bad thing, but God cannot allow us always to have consolation in our prayer.

• Firstly, knowing the consolation and warmth of the presence of God is not the same thing as knowing God Himself. If God allowed our prayer to be continually based on consoling feelings, then He would be allowing us to settle for less than our highest good.
• Secondly, doubt and struggle are a really important of the spiritual life, and so God has to allow us to experience them.
• The question is often asked why God doesn't make His existence more obvious to people. The reason He doesn't is that if His existence were so obvious, that everyone could straightforwardly know that He exists (as one can know that 2 + 2 = 4), then we wouldn't be free to make a rational choice whether to have a relationship with Him, or not. A person who refuses to accept plain and obvious things is irrational (eg. someone who rejects the proposition 2 + 2 = 4). Therefore, God makes Himself known enough, that we may freely choose to meet Him in Faith, but not so obvious that we are compelled to meet Him.
• If prayer were always an occasion where God's warm and loving presence were obvious, then we would in a certain sense cease to be free to choose to be in relationship with Him. We would become addicted to these feelings in our prayer, and as such would be choosing to spend time in prayer out of need, and not out of love.
• I suggest that this dynamic is reflected in all the deepest relationships in our lives. Sometimes relationships end as soon as the initial joy of a new relationship passes. However, the relationships which we really treasure in life, are the ones in which, at a certain point, we had to struggle to stay in relationship.

 (2) One of the key difficulties in prayer is that even the most sincere, mature and faithful Christian is frequently tempted to judge their prayer time by the way that it felt. This is going to be a constant difficulty. As human beings we are feeling beings - however, one effect of original sin on our fallen nature is that our feelings are now often out of kilter with reality.

• To counter this I want to offer you one simple question to reflect on at the end of your time of prayer (instead of how did it feel?); did I spend 20/30/60 minutes sincerely trying to pray?
• Sometimes, it may feel like you turned up, but God didn't - take comfort; if your are going to be stood up by anyone, then at least it was Almighty God!
• As long as you have done your part - which is to try and pray - God can ask no more of you. And in faith and trust, rest assured that He will have worked in your prayer, because He never lets anything done in love for Him go to waste.

(3) Some of the specific problems in prayer:

• I stop praying. This is extremely common, and is normally a response to withdrawal of some of the consolation from prayer, but can also result from some kind of shift in the pattern of a person's life. This is urgent - the solution is to start praying again.
• This may be a big sacrifice, but I'm afraid Christianity without sacrifice is like a car without an engine: it won't take you anywhere.
• I've met many people who say they have no time to pray, yet none of them appear to be starving from lack of time to eat.
• Our prayer should only be omitted in order to make time for a higher demand of charity, and even then, the prayer should be fitted in as soon as the particular demand has passed.
• I get bored in prayer and/or my mind wanders. We are human beings, and as human beings we all have a certain attention span. It is perfectly natural then, that sometimes we will get bored, and our minds will wander. The problem is that as a result of a subtle pride within us, we tend to think that unless we are mentally in control of our prayer, then it isn't working.
• St. Teresa, however, suggests that just because the mind may be galloping off over the hills with the horses, it doesn't mean that the soul cannot be at rest before God.
• Your growth holiness, once you have done all that you can, is God's problem - not yours. In the same way, He is in charge of your prayer. Almighty God is perfectly capable of holding your attention, if He wants it. Your job, is simply to offer it, by creating time and space for Him.
• Do not judge your prayer!! The only question you should meaningfully ask is: did I spend 20/30/60 minutes sincerely trying to pray?
• Sometimes, an entire prayer time can be spent struggling with a wandering mind. Don't let it disturb your peace. Simply return to your meditation every time you find your mind has wandered. You may spend the whole time drifting off, and then returning, which may not be 'fun', but it is still prayer!
• I fall asleep in prayer. Then be assured that you are part of a venerable tradition of saints, going back to the Apostles themselves in the Garden of Gethsemane.
• Again, worry only about your will: did I spend 20/30/60 minutes sincerely trying to pray?
• If you fall asleep, when you wake, then slowly go back to your prayer and resume where you were.
• If you find certain environments/postures/times of day for prayer induce sleep, then you may consider changing them for your prayer, if this is realistically possible.

(4) Everybody who prays, struggles with it. Struggle is built into the spiritual life. However, often people feel the need to struggle in silence, until it ruins their prayer life. If you are really struggling, seek help - that's what your priests and pastors are there for. I have never known a priest who would be unhappy to speak to someone about their prayer life, but often people are afraid to ask Father about things in their interior life, because they think he's too busy.

If you are struggling, do seek advice. However, as I have emphasised in this talk, prayer is often a struggle. If you seek help, please don't be offended if the advice is simply to persevere. Perseverance is in some ways the standard prescription to a whole range of spiritual ills, and like nasty medicine from  our parents; we may not like it, but we know it is the best thing to make us better.

Key Points

• The basic source of problems in prayer is that we lack consoling feelings from God.
• The solution is that we must not judge our prayer by our feelings. We should simply ask whether we sincerely tried to pray for the determined period. As long as we did, we can trust God to have used that generous offering fruitfully.
• When problems emerge in prayer, as soon as we realise, we should simply, and gently, return to our normal pattern of prayer.

Next Step 
1. Can I answer the questions on the handout?
2. Listen in on a short follow up interview about the material discussed.
3.. Now spend 20 minutes (or more) in silence using the prayer exercise on Ignatian Contemplation on the handout. 

Session Three: Hearing God

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Have you ever heard God speaking to you? If you have been hearing voices, then the standard advice is to go to the doctor. When Christians talk about hearing God speaking to them, only in rare circumstances do they mean the hearing of audible voices. However, we do believe that God is constantly speaking to us through means of:

• The Church
• Circumstances
• Our Prayer

(1) This course is very much focussed on hearing God speak to us through our prayer. However, the key point of this session, is to understand that God speaks with one voice through all three of the mediums given above. We may worship one God in three Persons - but, this does not equal split personality disorder. If Jesus says 'no' to you, there is no point praying to the Spirit for a different answer!!

• God is Unity without Division
• He speaks with one voice through the Church, through Circumstances and  through our prayer.
• In prayer we are trying to speak to, and to hear the same God who preserves the Church from error in her teaching, and who made you and placed you in the time and situation in which you now find yourself. It is the same God.

(2) Where there appears to be contradiction in what God is saying through these means, then we need Discernment to understand and find the unity. What we should not do is start proclaiming division in God. God does not contradict Himself. Period.

Let's look at some examples of how this might work.

• The Church says we must go to Mass on Sunday. Timmy sets out faithfully on Sunday evening to go to the 6.30pm Mass. On the bypass his car gives out, and he is left on the roadside waiting for a tow. In the process he misses Mass.
• He knows that God wants him to go to Mass on Sunday, he knows this from Church teaching.
• However, he also knows that Almighty God could have kept the car going until after Mass.
• In this situation Timmy can with integrity say, 'well, Lord, I don't really understand it, but it seems you didn't want we to get there, this evening'. God, who is Lord of circumstances seems to have had other plans this evening.
• In her prayer, Jemima feels God calling her to become a priest. However, the Church has taught definitively that it is impossible to ordain women to the priesthood. As a consequence, it is not possible for Jemima to become a priest.
• Jemima knows that although she feels called to the priesthood, it is impossible for her to become a priest. Further, she knows that God does not contradict the Church.
• Jemima seeks advice of a trusted priest, to get another perspective on what she is experiencing in prayer. She explores before the Lord what is the meaning of this calling she finds in prayer, and tries to discern and understand the meaning.
• Mismatches between our prayer and the reality of things can be painful, and a struggle - but it is struggle to be faced. It is too easy to simply say "I'm right and the world is wrong - God says so." This road only leads to bitterness and cynicism, which is not what God wants for us.
• Marius is married with three young children. In his prayer he begins to feel a strong calling to leave everything and become a hermit in the Egyptian desert.
• This calling is completely contrary to the circumstances and responsibilities of Marius' life.
• Rather than take this calling seriously, he begins to explore what might be motivating these feelings. He discovers that he has begun to resent the lack of freedom in his life now. He recognises this, and renews his commitment to his family.
• At the same time, he talks to his wife, and they agree look for periodic chances to get a retreat, so that they can both find some space for their spiritual lives.

These are just some fictional examples, but hopefully they show the need to understand all the things God may seem to be saying to us have a context for us, right now, in this moment.

(3) The reason we sometimes experience contradiction in what God is saying to us, is sin. Sin speaks to the sinner in the depths of his heart (Psalm 36.1) and it causes us to confuse what we want with what God wants for us.

• We need to be ever on the watch for this, especially in personal prayer. Church teaching and circumstances are outside of ourselves, and its pretty hard to mistake what they are. In personal prayer, it is often trickier to distinguish what comes from me, and what comes from God.
• In order to discern the very subtle voice of God in prayer we need always to subject what we are hearing to the biblical witness.
• The Bible is essentially a history of God's communication with His people. Therefore, when I hear the Lord speaking to me in prayer, I can ask myself - is this the sort of thing He has said to others?
• We need to build a knowledge of Jesus as found in the Gospel, to learn to recognise His voice intuitively.
• In order to do this, we need to saturate our lives in Scripture.
• Further, if we think the Lord is asking something significant of us, we should not be afraid to consult someone else, someone who has a deep knowledge of Scripture.

(4) How do I hear God in my prayer?

• Sometimes in your meditation particular words or phrases will just grab you. If you don't know what they mean, ask Jesus to show you.
• You may wish to note in a journal particular things that grab you, and revisit them.
• Sometimes you may come to pray and find yourself drawn into focussed, silent prayer, during which you will perceive the Lord communicating something to you.
• Perhaps more often, you will arrive at prayer burdened by a particular circumstance, and during the prayer He will help you understand it.

My words necessarily fail really to describe all the ways in which an infinite God might wish to communicate with the enormous number of people in the world. Prayer is a very personal journey, during which we all must learn how God speaks to us personally. The key is to keep trying to pray, and in His own time God will show Himself to you.

(5) Just to circle back to the beginning, it needs to be emphasised that if we are not listening to God speaking through the Church and through circumstances we will always struggle to hear His authentic voice in prayer - if I were to spend the whole day ignoring you at work, it would be a bit rich to expect a nice, comfortable chat with you in the evening!

That is not in any way to belittle the struggle of people who are finding Church teachings, or the circumstances of their lives hard to accept. Many of these people suffer greatly. But if you struggle (don't ignore the struggle), then you will begin to find the help from God.


Key points

• God speaks to us through the means of the Church, the Circumstances of our lives and through our personal prayer.
• He speaks with one voice through these channels.
• Where there might appear to be a contradiction in what He is saying, we need discernment.
• When listening to God in prayer, we should not be surprised if He challenges us to move out of ourselves.

Next Step
1. Can I answer the questions on the Handout?
2. Listen to the short audio interview about the material in this session.
3.. Now spend 20 minutes (or more) in silence using the prayer exercise on 'Teresian' Prayer on the handout.

Session Four: Prayer and our Conversion

On 3rd May 2007 I was baptised in the Catholic Church and received Confirmation and Holy Communion. I will forever be known as a convert. However, in truth, we are all converts; and, we are all called to ever deeper conversion - to allow the Gospel to reach more and more deeply into our hearts.

When we speak of conversion, we normally mean that someone has had a basis shift in his or her relationship with God - normally with some outward sign, such as becoming Catholic, or returning to the practice of his or her faith after a period of not practising. This type of conversion I will refer to as Conversion (I).

There is, though, another important sense in which we can speak of conversion. Our hearts are in a constant state of conversion, moving closer to, or further away from, God. A life conversion (conversion I) may constitute a significant stride towards God - but both beforehand and afterwards the movements of conversion go on. This process of moving slowing ever closer to God I will call Conversion (II). We are all called to this form of conversion, wherever we are in our spiritual walks.

It may be helpful to think of the spiritual life as a mountain. At the top of the mountain is God in all His glory. At the bottom is the earthly city. Human beings move up and down the mountain.

1. God in all His glory stands for total self-giving. The doctrine of the Trinity contains the mystery that the Father pours out the totality of Himself to the Son, and the Son pours out the totality of Himself to the Father. This mutual self-giving is so powerful that the Love that flows between the Father and the Son is another person - the Holy Spirit. That is a very brief explanation of the Trinity. The key point is that God is communion of love. The goal of the Christian life is to participate in this communion of love.
2. At the bottom of the mountain is the earthly city, which stands principally for the Ego (as opposed to total self-gift at the top of the mountain). The inward focus on the Ego is what we call Pride, and its consequence is self-centredness. Conversion (I) occurs when a person decides to leave the earthly city and ascend the mountain to God.
3. Human beings move up and down the mountain. The journey of faith requires a continual movement upwards.
• When we come onto the mountain, it is wreathed in mist, and the way up is not very clear. However, rather than give up, we call out to God. Our voice echoes upwards, we pause and listen, and then faintly we hear a voice echoing on the wind. We move towards it. This is the life of prayer.
• There may be other people on the mountain. Some seem to be just trying to find their own way, some are heading up very quickly, sadly, some are heading back down towards the earthly city.
• As we climb, following the voice on the wind, we notice we are overtaking others who are trying to find their way up without calling out to God. 
4. As we climb up the mountain we notice certain changes happen within us. This is Conversion (II); we are moving nearer to the glory of God, and as we do so, we are being changed by our coming nearer to His Presence.
5. The mountain is wreathed in mist because of human sin, which has obscured the clear vision of God, which man enjoyed in the beginning. We have to move towards Him now without the clear light of vision.
6. For this reason we often have difficulty hearing God in prayer, but in Faith we believe He is still there the other side of the mist, and that the voice we are listening to on the wind, is His.
7. A significant part of the early Conversion (II) that happens on the mountain occurs when we realise we have brought too much with us.
• We realise we have brought a lot of unnecessary things with us, and that if we are going to make it to the top of the mountain, we need to leave them behind, because they are weighing us down.
• This is the purification from mortal, or deadly sin. These are deliberate thoughts, words, actions or omissions, which are seriously contrary to the Divine Law, which we freely commit, knowing that they are contrary to the Divine Law.
• When we do these things, we turn away from our journey up the mountain and face downwards towards the earthly city, once more.
• We will never get to the top of the mountain while we are facing back to the earthly city, therefore we have to let go of these things and leave them behind, if we are to journey to God.
• Letting go of these things, we climb much more easily up the mountain. However, as we get further and further up, we come to a point where we find we even want to let go of the necessary things we brought with us - or the things we thought were necessary. We begin to let go of them, until we find ourselves on the mountain, with nothing left but our faith in God, following that faint voice on the wind.
• This is the purification of venial sins, or all those sins which are not mortal. All wrongdoing is sin, but there is sin which is not mortal. (1 John 15.17)

At this point in the journey up the mountain we will pause until the next session. However, it is necessary to make a few points about the journey so far.

Purification is the Result of Love

On the journey we have looked at so far, a significant purification has taken place. We have left the earthly city, we have left behind all the things which we brought with us from the earthly city - both necessary and unnecessary. These all stand for the purification from sin, which takes place in the Christian life.

It needs, though, to be emphasised that this purification comes about as a result of an increase in love for God, which comes about as a result of our increased nearness to God the higher we ascend the mountain. If we live lives open to God, frequent the sacraments regularly, pray daily and seek to live in accordance with truth & charity then our love for God grows, and this brings about conversion in our lives.

The Life of Faith is about Love, not Sin

The life of faith, is therefore, principally about my love for God, not overcoming sin - although that is a consequence of my love for God.

The Church teaches that those who die in a state of mortal sin go to hell (Catechism of the Catholic Church, para. 1033). However, the way some people explain this to themselves, is that a) someone commits a mortal sin. b) therefore, God hates them, and c) therefore, God sends them to Hell. This is, of course, false reasoning. A person who commits serious sin, doesn't love God - with his or her whole will he or she has turned away from God. If he or she doesn't love God, then he or she would not want to go to heaven, because heaven is all about God. As long as life endures however, there is the possibility of repenting of this decision and turning back to God.

What should be clear, though, is that overcoming sin is about coming to state where we remain habitually in our LOVE of God; it's not about learning to follow some arbitrary rules.

The Lure of the Earthly City

There will always be are part of us which would like to turn around and go back to the earthly city, which we remember. The temptation may wax and wane, but it will likely always be there. The question is not, therefore, whether we completely love God and hate the world (or visa versa) - the question is which do we want more? The only way to answer that is to ask God to show you whether you are moving up the mountain, or down.

Key Points

• Ongoing conversion is a necessary part of growth in the Christian life.
• This process occurs because as we come nearer to God, His Presence changes us.

Next Step
1. Can I answer the questions on the Handout?
2. Listen to a brief discussion of the material covered above.
2. Now spend 20 minutes (or more) in silence using the prayer exercise on 'Centering Prayer' on the handout.

Session Five: Prayer and our Salvation

The last session finished half way up the mountain, on the climb towards God. The next steps will take us through a thick cloud. This represents a period called the Dark Night of the Soul, a period of spiritual darkness, during which the soul dies definitively to self. By this point in the journey, however, God has begun to send helps, such that He may be truly said to be the main driver now, in the soul's journey to heaven.

Souls that go through this period experience a sort of spiritual depression, through which they are purified of inner attachment to self. They may still fall into small sins as a result of living in a sinful world, but in their inner wills they are united closely to God.

If they emerge out the other side of this dark night they experience an illumination. Their souls are illuminated with knowledge of God preparing them for a definitive union of themselves with God, called by some writers, the 'Mystical Marriage'.

Do many souls experience these things? Probably not.

Does that mean this is all irrelevant to me? No.

Why not? Because what the great saints who have experienced this journey have shown to us is the path that we must all trace to God. If we have embarked on the journey to God in our spiritual lives, but haven't gone that far by the time we die, then we will still have to go through the process of dying to self, before we enter heaven - otherwise we would bring selfishness into heaven with us! This process has been called by the Tradition 'Purgatory'.

The process of purification about which we are speaking, here, is essentially of a painful and defining realignment of my life. It is about a shift from being Egocentric to Theocentric. A move from being self-centred to God-centred.

(1) Many people still have a view of God as a great Judge, with a traditional judge's wig, sentencing people to Heaven, or Hell. However, the Christian image of God will always be principally of a Father.

(2) Perhaps the best Scriptural image of this, is found in the story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11 - 32). In this story, we find a son who rejects the love of the father, and leaves him. Thus he is separated from him. However, having spent all the money he received, the son finds himself with nothing.

• The son, finding that he has made a great mistake, REPENTS of what he has done. He decides to the return to the father - but now, he will ask for mercy, and is willing to accept whatever the conditions of his return are. He is even prepared to return as a servant.
• When the father sees him, though, he simply runs towards him, overjoyed that his son has returned.
• Notice, however, the necessity of the son making the first effort to repent and return to the father; had he not done this, there was nothing the father could do.

(3) This is, I think, instructive to our thinking about judgement. In the particular judgement, which we all experience at death, God is revealed to the soul, as He is. God is not the judge in a 'judgemental' sense - He is simply reveals the truth of who He is, and of who I am. No more deception, covering up or misreading of the situation; only truth.

• In a certain sense, it is not God, but me who judges. Faced with truth, do I, like the Prodigal Son rush towards the Father, seeking to love Him, no matter the cost? Or do I run away from the truth, seeking to be apart from Him?
• Ultimately, that question is answered in this life. Do I run towards God wherever I encounter Him, here today in this life? In the Eucharist? In the other Sacraments? In the teachings of my Faith? In the Scriptures and in prayer? In the poor?
• In our minds, we can sometimes try and separate the God we encounter in this life, from the 'real' God we encounter at the end of time. And likewise, we somehow imagine that we will be different people in the end, than we are today. However, both God and you are the same people you will be in the particular judgement. Yes, you still have some change to go through across time; but there is no fundamental separation between the 'you' before and after death. If in this life, you are self-centred, then you will be in the next life too. And thus, you wouldn't want heaven, because there happiness is all about self-gift.

(4) Therefore, everything that we do in this life, is a preparation for the end of life. Every day, we are given the opportunity to seek God, and thus seek to become more centred on Him (theocentric). Or, we can choose to focus inwardly on ourselves, and become more centred on ourselves (egocentric). Every day, every hour, every moment of our lives (if we look closely) are part of this drama.

• Through seeking to grow in the life of prayer, we devote time to very consciously focus our lives on God. This is essential, as it is inviting the supernatural power of God to bring about this inner change in us.

(5) We need also, though, to be attentive to other places where we encounter God in our daily lives. In particular, where we encounter Him in truth, beauty and goodness.

• All that is good comes from God (James 1:17), and wherever we encounter pure, unselfish goodness, we encounter the presence of God. Likewise, when we exercise virtue/goodness, we become more like God. When the soul seeks to live a virtuous life animated by prayer, it begins to acquire a taste for goodness, and so a taste for the Ultimate Good, who is God.
• United to goodness is truth; the two are inseparable and indeed are the same thing. I cannot be good, unless my life is based on what is true. Thus, as Christians, we need to allow a love for truth to be formed in us at all levels - we should resile from even the smallest untruths - that we will be interiorly drawn to Him who is "the Way, the Truth and the Life" (John 14:6).
• Finally, that which is true & good is also beautiful. God is the ultimate beauty. It is important therefore, to expose ourselves to things which are objectively beautiful (eg. music, art, nature etc.). Sometimes this can require us to put a certain amount of effort in, to really appreciate the beauty. However, this is how are soul acquires a taste for what is really beautiful, rather than superficially so. Again, what is taking place is a certain realignment.

(6) As we begin to contemplate God through the supernatural life (prayer & sacraments) and the natural means of encounter (truth, beauty and goodness), that work of purification does take place. However, in some ways we have moved beyond it, to talk about the illumination of the soul.

• I believe, in this way, even though we may not ourselves travel through the cloud in this life, nevertheless, God gives us glimpses of what lies on the other side. Glimpses of the illumination that awaits us when we encounter Him face to face, if we love Him.

Conclusion
Key Points

• If we are to be with God forever, a deep realignment of my soul has to take place; either in this life, or the next. I need to want this to take place.
• This involves a transition from being Egocentric to Theocentric.
• In order to allow this to happen, I need to engage in the life supernatural life (prayer and the sacraments), but also to grow in my love for truth beauty and goodness.

Next Step 
1. Can I answer the questions on the handout?
2. Now spend 20 minutes (or more) in silence using the prayer exercise on the Ignatian Examen on the handout.

Session Six: The Examination of Conscience

Throughout the previous sessions, this course has focused on the life of intimate prayer. It hasn't focused on the sacramental life; but it has taken for granted that there is a link. Both regular reception of the sacraments (most obviously Confession & the Eucharist) and intimate prayer are encounters with God which allow us to grow in love for God.

A principal fruit of regular encounter with God is a growth in self-knowledge. As we come nearer to the supernatural light of God, we come to see ourselves as we more truly are, and this increases the nearer we move to God. This process can be slightly unnerving and cause some souls to pull back from God. Therefore, it can be very helpful to engage in an examination of conscience.

Spending a short time at the end of each day looking at what has been going on in our lives, we can come to a more honest place of self-knowledge. This can reduce some of the shock factor, when we come to our prayer and begin to see ourselves in the supernatural light of God. Aspects of our character that we do not like, but we which we have acknowledged and faced up to, are less likely to rock our relationships with others when they are pointed out, than character flaws which are unknown to us and shock us when they are pointed out.

The exercise proposed here is something that will therefore run parallel to your life of prayer. If you already engage in an examination of conscience, and it is working for you, then simply continue with that. However, if you are not currently engaging in a regular examination of conscience, then the following exercise might help.

(1) Take a brief period towards the end of the day of about 2 - 5 minutes.

• As with your daily prayer, look at your lifestyle and consider where you could situate the examination in your to day to make sure it is regular.
• You may do it before or after your regular prayer; but make sure it is an extra exercise.

(2) Look back over your day and for the grace to find three things to thank God for.

• These may be particular graces from that day.
• You may have become aware (again) of some general graces God has given you in your life.
• Thanksgiving is very important in the spiritual life, and often neglected.

(3) Now, ask for the grace to find three things which you want to say sorry to God for.

• There will be at least three things ... unless you are a saint ... and even then there would probably be three things! If you find more than that, then obviously confess them to God and give thanks. (Cf. Luke 15:7)
• Sometimes you will observe specific thoughts, words, deeds or omissions (things you should have done, but didn't). Other times it may be that small events show up the state of your soul - pridefulness, selfishness etc. These can be fruitfully confessed to the Lord.

(4) Make some brief notes.

• This is not obvious to most people, but can be a very fruitful practice. Obviously, it needs to be done in a secure place where nobody can access or read the notes.
• Using notes, when we come to examine our conscience before celebrating the sacrament of Confession, we are able more accurately see the state of our souls, and thus make a more honest and fruitful Confession.
• Making notes we may begin to see patterns. You may find at the end of the day to gossiped about Mrs. Smith ... and at the end of the next day ... and the day after that. Gossip is a small and thoughtless sin in itself. However, you may observe from the pattern that actually you are harbouring a deep anger or resentment against Mrs. Smith - and actually the Lord in interested in you acknowledging this, and bringing it before Him.

(5) Finally, as a fruit of your examination, make a simple resolution for the next day. This may be to avoid a particular sin, to exercise a particular virtue or to do, out of love for God, something you hae been putting off. Ask Jesus to guide you in making a resolution.

• We cannot make ourselves perfect - that is the role of God's grace.
• Invariably, God's grace does not perfect us overnight - we are too closed to His grace and resistant to His work in us.
• By making a simple resolution, however, we are seeking to do the little bit that we can. If we struggle to improve ourselves in a little way each day, we show willing, we demonstrate to God that in spite of all the obstacles we place in His way, deep down we want to love Him, and we want to do His will. Like little children offering to fix a window they can't possibly repair, this little act of willing, we know, will draw down God's Fatherly mercy in abundance.

The Examination of Conscience, when practised regularly helps to keep a check on how our relationship with God is. By daily acknowledging our sinfulness, and also acknowledging the fact that all that is good in our lives comes from God, we constantly call to mind the essence of our human dignity. We are nothing in ourselves, but because we have been loved by a great, infinite and merciful God we are creatures of infinite value.


Next Step 
1. Can I answer the questions on the handout?
2. Listen to the short audio discussion of this material.
3. Now spend 20 minutes (or more) in silence using the prayer exercise on the Ignatian Examen on the handout.